i have no idea....=(

this post i specially dedicated to u 3 monkeys in melaka...u know who u are...
well, i cannot say much, cause im not there to witnessed it with my own eyes...
i dont know how it started.. what happen... why it happen... the only thing i know, there is not yet an ending to it... i wonder why it happen after i left la.. who have it gotta happen between u guys? haiz.... let me juz ask u guys simple questions...

-do u guys still treasure the friendship that u have created?
-do u guys still care for the friendship that u have?
-do guys even bother taking care?
-do guys have the feeling of emptiness in ur life now?
(i do.. cause i left u guys...there is stiill a hole in my soul that i uncovered)
-dont u guys have feelings?


if u say yes, plz... i beg of u all...sit down...talk to each other.. the problem that u have against each other...blurt it out.. make each other realise whats wrong... i dont want this friendship to juz end like that... a true friendship bond cannot be easily formed just like that...i know that, because i myself am experiencing the hardship of it..u guys are surrounded with good, kind and caring friends...why r u destroyin it over small matter? i really beg u all to think over...think of the hapiness we use to feel when we were together...the genuine laughter n smile we shared... that memories we used to have are genuine..they are not fake... they are never fake...

if u say no, i dont care about it... ok fine...basically, ur saying that ur not going to care anymore.. maybe ur tired or sick about it? are u really sure...? if u really really do not want to care...ok... up to u... maybe ur not fit enough for the friendship bond...or maybe this friendship are not meant to be... if u really can turn ur back away n walk out of this friendship that we together have created... then go ahead...i will throw red carpets for u... u walk on it n never turn back... u people do not realise do u? do u know how hard is it to make true friends? i myself can barely get enough friends here... most of them are having a gang of their own..and im isolated at the corner..without those friends, do u know how miserable life could be?..

people do change in life.. u cannot expect him/her to be like that forever.. we change...we change due to the environment around us..due to the friends we hang out with... i myself cannot guarantee i will not change...i have to change to adapt to the condition i am in now... the only thing u guys can probably do is compromise... cope up with each other attitude.. if that person is changing towards the negative side, pull him/her back...remind him/her of who he really was.. if he/her is changing for the better...do let it... like i say, u cnt keep a person the way u want forever..its impossible..

and u... u may not realise ur changing...listen to ur friends whom is telling u...they have eyes.. they can see whther ur changing or not way better than u do...because u urself may not know...believe the words of the friend u trust.. this will help u.. u may say.."i where got change? i am still the same me"... r u 100% sure? ask urself this....am i still the old me... like i say people do change...look around at the friend u are hanging most with now.. the type of friends u hang out with will have the biggest impact on ur attitude n ur behaviour... ur in college now..ur not going back home where ur parents live... u r more often with ur peers.. choose wisely of whom u hang out with....

maybe i say too much... i can barely have a good rest without thiking about this matter.. i kept thiking why does this have to happen..each of u are stubborn... my gawd..like hell u are... i cant help much...as im in cyber..hours away from ur campus...i do wish i was there..then maybe this would not happen....maybe...jeeeez.....

one last wish from me, plz do sit n talk out ur problems among u guys...juz the 3 of u... no third party involve..they will make thing worst...can u guys do that?



peaced out
thedevil

am i having gastric...???? =(

after few weeks starting my 2nd trimester in cyber.. the schedule was kinda pack.. mostly there is no lunch hour... God.. maybe i didnt manage it well.. i skipped lunch quite often...hey..i cnt do anything bout it.. there was no time..zzz... and now...padan muka me... stomach sudah sakit.. i dont know why.. it only hurt sometime... n when it hurts wuuu... its unbearable...T.T.... jeez...i should have plan my meal well... haiz....


anyway, yesterday was quite tiring but fun... after class at 4pm.. me n my other 3 friends took the bus all the way to presint 8 in putrajaya...to buy the cupcakes...oh yeah..btw, we are selling cupcakes this thursday...cross my finger it goes well... haha... then later... we took an awesome long journey walking to one of my friend house n it was raining...lol..blessing from the God perhaps? haha.... i felt my backbone is gonna break... my bag was damn heavy..lol... making the icing was a success...hahahahahaha...plz God.. i do hope we get to sell those cupcakes...=]


~sweet tooth cupcakes~


peaced out
thedevil

my faith and hope..

the hope i put in u is now gone..
the hope i once hope..
is slowly dissapearing....
the feeling is now getting dimmer n dimmer...
a sense of relieve perhaps..?
no more sense of belonging..
only the sense of hatred..
the sense of independent..
the sense of being alone..

faith come n go..
but mine was still there..
until now...
but that faith is killing me...
its preventing me..
preventing me to feel the others....
but now the faith is gone..
not slowly...but completely...

its time for me to live the life i once lived...
the life where there's only me..
nobody but me...
living in my own damn life..
i screw my whole semester...
but now...im given a chance.. to start new...
that the sign....


my faith n hope is no more there..



peaced out
thedevil

i feel a little bit better.....?

wow...yesterday i felt like giving up... sheeesh... why this happenin to me...?! why oh why oh why...T.T...maybe im being tested...lol....nooooo...... ish ish....

my feelings are somehow mix up..im not sure whether am i supposed to do this...or not... arggh.. why my brainn wont leave me alone...! stop thinking, u bitch... ur not the only facing problems..! grow up...! zzz...im basically giving myself a piece of my mind... who knows...one day i might expllode at themm... then...habis my foundation year...XD

well... lets take the risk... lets see how i overcome this problems...haha...i dont give up that easily although i do yesterday... but i wont go down easily until i own whats mine... if i give up now, c'mon.. no need study la...go get married n become housewife better... hahaha...wow..i curse myself..XDD...choi.... lol... i studied hard enough to get my ass all the way until now.. haha.. i've overcome more assholes problems.. so why cant i handle this one now? well...i can...can i?

all i have to do...is to believe in what i am capable of.. life is never easy.. babe... face it.. an easy life is a life without risk...when there is no risk... u will never learn... n life will be dull.. there is no fun or excitement in it.... i do not plan to live a dull life... it will be boring dude..! hahhaha...
i dont wanna my uni life to be like that... i wan to fill it with excitement beyond my expectations.. i want to know how far can i go..how far i can strive...how far can i stretch.. to go beyond my limitations.....

i definitely feel better now...=]


peaced out
thedevil

fucked up....=(

something is not right with me these few days...i have a sense that my coursework marks is gonna be little... a newbie starting in a new group is definitely having trouble with finding group members for the group workkk...

I dont want my cgpa drop juz because im unable to score my coursework marks... but there is ntg i can do...human development video is like in two weeks time...and the script is not even prepared...wtf men... jeez.. we're supposed to discuss it but the members are tired n wnted to go bck home...c'mon people... haiz..... how r we suppose to finish it on time... i have fucking no idea...
God...dont do this to me.....T.T...

not only that...english presentation...worse..! we're supposed to find an article...n this bloody shit guy dont know what the hell he find..and its bout school dicipline in overseas school..n the content is like all facts...oi dude...think abit la...how to summarize...i find an article about kidney which so damn fucking easy...wanted to show u..but u are always fucking never in class...damn men! haiz.................................................

i using all the damn bad words... god... not to mention next sems coursework mark..sure die.. haiz...! god kill me la...im damn fucking stressed up......jeez!


peaced out
thedevil

its not fair...

its not fair for u to do this...
i had let go... after all the trouble i went..
now ur doing this...

have u ever consider...??


peaced out
thedevil

my 2nd week in cyber....^^

so far....im getting used to the area in cyber...at first it may seem super big(which is still big) but after a while venturing here n there..who knows...the place is not that big after all..haha.. my uncle maybe sending me a bike ..hahah...cycle to class...ppl will be thiking how super weird i am..lol...no la..maybe juz cycle around..
lets see...what had happen so far this week...
well... so far... tues n thurs will be my busiest day for this sems.. from morning daylight till super dark late night...haha... why? class----archery----table tennis...i sendiri cari pasal..haha.. lol...
live life to the max..thats what im doing..dont wanna waste time staring into space..haha.. so i utilize my time to the max..which makes me tired.zzzzz....haha...
anyway, there was an AGM for table tennis..haha..quite fun though...btter than the acheries..had a match...haha..my group won second...wohooo...haha..swt..

for all the years i have been playing table tennis, i never did know the real technique...lol..my school doesnt hire trainees.. haiz...what to do... learn from some where la..
haha.. anyway..i juz simply love playing table tennis...it reminds me of the past... haha...but i do wish to learn new techniques though..mine sucks..haha..

i do gain new friends by joining more clubs...some how, it gives me the sense of belonging... which the matter of fact im lacking of it now..hha...

oh yea.. the hostel management finally able to but one more extra cupboard and table for the room since its suppose to be 3 person per room... they finally made it after 11 years...thats so weird...==...11 years men...MMU so poor meh??????????

MMU- money making university...also so poor...god men..

now my room goona be super pack..nooooooooooooooooo.....haiz..no choice lo..haha...
presentation next week...shoot!! nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
T.T


peaced out
thedevil

c'mon guys..im not that bad..

this is one of the most embarassing day of my life...
am i that bad?
i know my physical is not as "hot" as others...
but c'mon ppl...its only acting...
what am i bloggin??
u see.. my cyber group had a discussion for our HD video project..
f.y.i..im the only chinse gurl in it...
they wanna do a part where a scholarship student get attracted to the opposite sex..
so i took the role...
next, my "lover"..
any volunteer...?
as u know, all the guys in my group are international...
haiz....and u know what!?
non of them want the role..!!!
i was like...what the....ok.... fine...shit u ppl...
its only acting....haiz...
why u ppl like that......
the feeling of rejected...walau eh.....


T.T

peaced out
thedevil

my hell life...

its one week i've been in cyber...and all the post i posted was so negative..haha...no more post like that.. lets post what i have been going through this whole week...XDDD..

the uni itself is...er...haha....its big..but i admit..its ok la... not that bad... at first..when i come here.. my negative thought took over my damn brain..lol..but after a while..evrything is ok... the lecturers here are quite better than melaka.. the accounts teacher are super good...lol.. this does not apply to my econs teacher..mr lim jim.. to say the truth, he is one of the best tutor that has ever thought me.. unlucky me, im gonna miss his business management class.. but im very happy to get to know him.. he even help me in my presentation for business management that is coming up... i really do appreciate him...and i misses him...XD

the food here...=__=..melaka better lo...like duh... i can only find one chinese stall here.. mostly are malay and iranian food..what the hell men.. ish ish... mamak pun sikit...dah lah sikit mahal pulak..mampus la my pocket money...haiz... whatever also... sini boleh loose weight.. haha..melaka is surrounded by nice and unhealthy food..haha... sometimes..i dont feel like eating..the food here are not appetizing at all...haha..

so far here...there is 2 things that make my life feel like hell!... my room in my hostel is like on the 5th floor..the highest... my gawd.... i have to climb up at down men..!!! sometimes carry my heavy laptop bag sumore..mati la me...lol...but on the bright side..i can loose weight...=]]]...
the 2nd thing...the showers...walau eh...hari hari mandi air sejuk... i will freeze to death men..! haiz..shower in the evening also so cold..apatah lagi shower in the night... rasa macam dalam peti ais....T.T.... my body system.. faster la adapt to the cold water...haha...

peers...haiz...the major problem...now improving la..not that bad...haha... the thought of missing melaka's frens... i put it aside...not to say i dun mizz u guys..i do.. but temporarily it is shut down.. somehow..its disturbing me.. haiz..at last i manage to control it....

last week was the registeration for clubs..although i did that 3 weeks ago in melaka..=__=..wth..
no choice..i did it again.. this time..i change..diff from melaka..at first... i join archery club.. next, chinese language society...weird me..haha...im learning ok..XDD...they got guitar class too..muahahah...can learn...weeee........ then i sign up for accounting club...haha... mu future degree... that is so far i joined...then on last friday..my fren showed me the flyers for table tennis club...haha..i was thiking...join or no...in the end...i joined....and i went to the training yest..3 hours...0.0...haha..but it was worth it..XDD

that particular club... i saw a guy... i thought i saw him before..he ask me whether has he seen me before..i said no...haha...then when i think back..i realise..he came to my house before...he was my mum's best friend's son...haha... in the end, he ask me again...then..walah...we know each other.. although he rarely come to my house for cny...haha...destiny? nah....

what else to talk..?
haha...i dunno....hehe..thats all for this post....

~guy hunting mode on~


peaced out
thedevil

Darn it....

its 830 in the morning and i am blogging...
dunno why suddenly i have the urge to blog...
since i've been here...only this blog i am able to express what i felt...
no one here are willing to listen... not because they are not exactly not willing...
but because i havent put my trust in them...
why am i being like this..i nt sure why...
as i went through that website... the feeling of joy over there causes me sorrows over here..
i can only look and imagine...but i cannot feel the same u ppl did...
i wanted to feel tht feeling again...
but somehow it seems impossible...
every night is a sleepless night... there is always something that me thiking..
the place here is lonely...but somehow i will manage..
i dont wanna spoil my current life..as i am gonna go through this for another 4 years...
but hell, i do miss the joy of being over there..surrounded by the warmness of friendship..
the word friendship are somehow getting smaller here..

will it dissapear...? God Knows..


peaced out
thedevil